Admissions Essay - Leadership
Published in Writing Samples on 4/19/2007
This student's essay addresses the topic of leadership, a common essay prompt for the college admissions essay.
One of the most exciting times I ever had was when I was helping to lead a group of Cub Scouts on a partial hike up Mt. Robin. About halfway through the hike when we were at around 3, 000 feet, we were caught off guard by an unexpected snow squall.To make matters worse, our adult supervisor badly sprained his ankle when the weather caused several scouts to fall on top of him, knocking him over. He couldn't put any weight on his ankle We couldn't go forward and we couldn't go back. No one could see anything because of the snow. The scouts were getting frightened and the teen leaders were getting nervous.
First we gathered all the children together and tried to shelter them as best we could. Then myself and another teen leader volunteered to hike back down the mountain to where we had camped the night before. It was flatter there and maybe our cell phones would work there. And we could call for help.
At first, Mr. James said we weren't allowed to go. But eventually we convinced him that we would turn around if were at all uncertain that we were hiking in the right direction. By then the snow had slowed a little so you could at least see a couple of feet in front of you. If nothing else, we knew that there was a cave where we had spent the previous night.
As we started hiking back down the mountain, my head was filled with thoughts of fear and concern. But it did not feel like we were doing a brave thing, just the only thing we could do. By hiking carefully, we were able to reach our former base camp in just over two hours. There were a couple of times when it looked like we might have to turn back but by perserveering and thinking carefully, we were able to beat the elements and save our friends.
When we arrived at the plateau where we had camped, the snow was very thick again and again we couldn't see at all. By sheer luck, we managed to find the cave where we had all slept the previous night. Another stroke of luck was that my cell phone worked in the cave when it hadn't outside. I was glad that I had stored the phone number for Emergency Mountain Services on my cellphone before the trip. That was the happiest phone call I ever made in my life!
After I made the call, it took EMS about five hours to get to us. My friend stayed in the cave with a couple of the crew and I led three of the other guys back up the mountain to where the rest of our party was. I felt like a real saviour when I got back up there. Everybody was so glad to see us. The EMS guys made a sort of sled for our team leader since he couldnt walk and then we led everybody down the mountain to the basecamp. Once we were all down there, they radioed for a helicpoter and before we knew it, we were all snug in our homes with a story to tell!
I learned a lot about leadership on that trip. I learned that leading means not sitting back and waiting for someone else to come up with a plan. I also learned that leadership means teamwork and patience as well as the ability to take calculated risks. I hope to continue learning about leadership as I continue through life.
The problems that were addressed with this student's strong essay on leadership were:
1.Occassional sloppy construction; too conversational.
2.Bigger and better beginning that takes advantage of the dynamic nature of the story.
3.Overall length needs to be shortened to adhere to 500 word limit. Less words, more story.
The snow was coming down in waves of blinding whiteness. I looked around and saw one common emotion on the young faces around me: fear.
“C'mon sir, please”, I gently pleaded. “Crispin and I can make it. We know this mountain.”
Mr. James seemed to appreciate my confidence but he still wavered.. We had been leading a group of Cub Scouts on a hike up Mt. Robin when we were overcome by a violent snow squall.It came on so suddenly that one of the younger scouts had lost his footing on a steep decline. While tumbling downhill, he took several other scouts with him as well as Mr. James. There were a few injuries, mostly minor, with the most serious being Mr. James who had sprained his ankle and could hardly walk.
“Damn it!” he exclaimed as he sat, leaning against a rock, “It's the middle of summer and shouldn't be snowing, not even up here.” Yet it was snowing, and now so hard we could hardly see a foot in front of us.
Eventually Mr. James agreed to my plan which was for another Scout leader and myself to hike back down to where we had camped the previous night. It was flat there and perhaps our cell phones would work. If so, we could call for help. If nothing else, there was a cave there where we could get shelter. By the time we started, the snow had slowed to where you could see a couple of feet in front of you.
As we started back down the mountain, my head was filled with thoughts of fear and concern. It didn't seem like we were doing a brave thing, just the only thing. By hiking carefully we were able to reach our former base camp in just two hours. There were many feelings competing for our attention when we arrived. We were cold, tired, and hungry. But we were also elated! Our cell phones worked. I was glad that I had programmed the phone number of the Emergency Mountain Services hotline into my cell phone before leaving the day before.
It took EMS about five hours to get to us. Crispin stayed in the cave with two of the crew and I led three of the others back up the mountain to where the rest of our party was. I felt like a real saviour when I got back up there. Everybody was so glad to see us. The EMS guys made a sort of sled for our Mr. James and then we led everybody down the mountain to the basecamp. Once we were all down there, they radioed for a helicpoter and before we knew it, we were all snug in our homes with a story to tell!
I learned a lot about leadership on that trip. I learned that leading means not sitting back and waiting for someone else to come up with a plan. I also learned that leadership means teamwork and patience as well as the ability to take calculated risks. I hope to continue learning about leadership as I continue through life.
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